Remaining Jokes / Recent Jokes
A fellow in a bar notices a particular woman who frequents the place regularly is always alone. After a couple of weeks, he decided to make his move.
"No thanks," she said politely, "This will probably sound very odd in this day and age, but I plan on remaining pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be a little difficult to do," replied the man.
"No, not really. I don't mind too much," she answered. "It does have my husband quite upset, though."
Bove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch more...
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck! DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room. Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house. Dinner: Catch a moth and play more...
* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally. . . scientists stumped.
* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.
* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
* George Z. more...
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the
California's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.
Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.
Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American
Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan,
Syria, and Lebanon.)
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least
ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Texas executes more...
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions inthe seventh largest country in the world, California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.
Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.
Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Texas executes last remaining more...