Remote Jokes / Recent Jokes

Can any of you relate to these "addiction" quips? I sure can :)The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few seconds later, your little sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.The remote to the T.V. is missing...and you don't even care.You begin to wonder how your ISP can call 400 hours per month "unlimited!"You ask a plumber if he could replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.The last girl you picked up was a 800x66 jpeg.You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off! Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed with us."You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.You scan restroom stall for hot HTML addresses.You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.You check your email. It more...

Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don, t have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not more...

I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -I worked with an individual who plugged the power strip back into itself and for his life couldn't figure why the computer would not turn on.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?"1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"1st Person: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded more...

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote 'thingy,'" she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk."

Sony, the global electronics giant, has some good news for couch potatoes. It has developed a new' remote control for your remote control', that enables the truly lazy to surf channels while moving even less muscles than before. "Our new device totally eliminates the need to stretch your arm that little bit more from your couch, to get the remote directly in front of the TV. Now the only muscle you need to move is your finger.", said a company spokesman. He also added that this was just one more step in Sony's global initiative to keep inventing technologies that turn people into furniture, and their brains into Jell-O. "We wanted to refine the product even more by making it thought-controlled, thereby completely removing the need for any sort of muscle movement at all, but this wouldn't work because most TV addicts are completely incapable of any kind of thought at all", lamented a little Japanese scientist.

A LADY went to a TV shop to buy a set. The shop salesman, while recommending a particular set, emphasised the joys of remote control. It would naturally cost her more than the ordinary set, but it would be worth it just to relax' in her armchair, flicking through a multichannelled set.
'Listen, Son the lady replied,' I don't need a remote control. With six children, my chances of controlling my TV are already remote. I'll have the standard set, please.'