Repair Jokes / Recent Jokes
* Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council. * In a dry cleaner’s window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. * In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness. * Spotted in a Safari Park: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car. * Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor. * Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges. * Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons. * On a repair shop door: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn’t work) * In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. * Plumber: We repair what your husband Fixed.
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.
So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing more...
* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.* Weiner's Law of Libraries: more...
A blonde woman was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a really bad hail storm. The hail stones were as big as golf balls and her car gets dented up really bad. The next day she takes it in to a repair shop to have the dents looked at.
The repair guy noticing that she is blonde and quite dingy when she speaks, decides to have some fun and tells her to blow into the tail pipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing this will cause all of the dents to pop out.
When she gets home she starts blowing into the tail pipe as hard as she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend who also is blonde shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tail pipe and is quite startled by the action. She blurts out all flippantly, "What are you doing!?"
She tells her the repair guy told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend says "Duh! more...
Once Bush And Vajpayee Were In A Beer Bar And They Were Drinking Their Beers. At That Time A Reporter Came Upto Them and asked "So Mr. Bush And Vajpayee What Are You Planning?
Vajpayee Says" We Are Planning A Third World War In Which We Will Kill 14 Million Pakistanis And A Cycle Repair Man.
The Reporter Asks" That's Alright, But Why Do You Want To Kill A Cycle Repair man?
Vajpayee Saya To Bush "See I Told You No One Will Worry About The 14 Million Pakistanis.
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations across the United States and rest of the world.
Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR