Repair Jokes / Recent Jokes
Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.
Weiner's more...
A tourist in a strange town notices that her watch is broken. She starts
looking for a repair shop. After a long and frustrating search she
finds herself in an area where many shop signs are in Hebrew. Finally,
she notices that one of the stores has all kinds of clocks and watches
ticking merrily in the window. She walks into the shop and puts her watch
on the counter in front of the proprietor.
Tourist: "Would you please repair this watch."
Proprietor: "Madam, I cannot repair your watch."
T: "But why not? It is an ordinary model."
P: "Madam, I do not repair watches. I am a moel, I perform circumcisions."
T (irritated): "Then why on earth do you have all these clocks in your window?"
P: "Well, and what should I have in my window?"
These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England. Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
#1 At a Gift shop Counter
'"My One and only" Valentine cards,
Is now available in Multi-packs!!'
#2 At a Wahing Machine in a Washers
'When Finished, Please Remove Pants'
#3 At a Handdryer in a Toilet
'Warning: Please do not operate this machine with wet hands!'
#4 At a Highway beside a river
'Warning: Road closed due to flood if you don't see this sign!'
#5 At a Repair Shop
Sign at door: 'We repair anything!'
Sign at bell: 'Sorry, Bell broken."
A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a really bad hail storm. The hail stones were as big as golf balls and her car gets dented up really bad. The next day she takes it in to a repair shop to have the dents looked at. The repair guy noticing that she is blonde and quite dingy when she speaks, decides to have some fun and tells her to blow into the tail pipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing this will cause all of the dents to pop out. When she gets home she starts blowing into the tail pipe as hard as she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend who also is blonde shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tail pipe and is quite startled by the action. She blurts out all flippantly, “What are you doing!? ” She tells her the repair guy told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out. Her girlfriend says “Duh! You need to roll up the windows first! ”
These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Lerman's Law of Technology:
Any technical problem can be overcome given
enough time and money.
Corollary:
You are never given enough time or money. Law of the Search:
The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
Corollary:
It will not be in the last place you expect to find it. Kaufman's Paradox of the Corporation:
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. Miller's Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens. First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references. Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard more...