Repair Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bob had a problem with his printer, so he called the local repair shop. The man at the shop informed him that the printer probably only needed to be cleaned. He suggested that since the shop would charge $50 to clean it, it may be better if he read the manual and tried to do the job himself.
Amazed by his candor, Bob asked the man, "Is your boss aware that you discourage business?"
"In truth," the man replied, "it's his idea. We've found that if we allow people to attempt to repair things themselves first, we make more money on repairs."

A man and his wife were cleaning out their attic when the man found a shoe repair stub in the pocket of an old jacket. "Hey - check this out," he said to his wife, "this stub is 20 years old. I wonder if the shop still has the shoes."
So the next day the man went to the shoe shop and asked the owner if he still had the shoes. The owner disappeared into the back of the shop for about five minutes.
When he returned, he replied happily, "Yup, believe it or not, we've still got the shoes. They'll be ready next Thursday."

The man of the house finally took all his family's disabled umbrellas to the repair shop.
Two days later, on the way to his office, when he got up to leave the streetcar, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him.
The women cried, "Stop, thief!" and rescued her umbrella, which covered the man with shame and confusion.
The same day, he stopped at the repair shop and received all eight of his umbrellas duly repaired.
As he entered a streetcar with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm, he was horrified to behold the lady of his morning adventure glaring at him.
Her voice came to him charged with withering scorn, "Huh! Had a good day, didn't you!"

They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.

Once again it is time to start thinking about casting your vote for the 1998
Darwin Award winner! As you may already know, the Darwin Awards
are for those nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in
spectacularly stupid ways before they breed (thankfully). The 1998 nominees
are:

NOMINEE No. 1 [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using
a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally
shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a
highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and
the other man found Burns "wrapped in more...

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Al was helping his blonde girlfriend, Diana, clean out the trunk of her car. In the trunk, he found a bag labelled 'Emergency Repair Kit'. When he looked a little closer, he noticed that there was a stick of dynamite inside the bag.
Finding that a little strange, he asked Diana what it was for.
"It's part of my emergency repair kit," she replied.
"I can see that, but why?" Al asked.
"In case I get a flat and need to blow up one of my tires," Diana explained.