Repair Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.
Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges
Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons
Sign on a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn’t work)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: Beware! i shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left
Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor
Outside a photographer’s studio: Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also
Spotted in a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car

Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Josh was helping Cheryl, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Cheryl what it was for.
She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."
Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"
Cheryl replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.
Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted more...

Saint Peter was having a slow day at the Pearly Gates so he took a little stroll. He noticed that the fence between heaven and hell was in need of some repair. So he hollers over the fence to Lucifer.

Saint Peter: "This fence needs some repair. I'll see to it that it gets fixed if you will help pay for it."

Lucifer: "If you want it fixed, you pay for it."

Saint Peter: "The fence is partly your responsibility and you will help pay for it or I will sue you for that amount."

Lucifer: "Ha!! And where do you think you are going to get a lawyer?!"

Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for. She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Josh said, "I can see that, but why?" Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

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