Reptile Jokes

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers.
What does an envelope say when you lick it?
Nothing, it just shuts up.
What does Michael Jackson call his "Tickle-me Elmo" doll?
Bait.
What goes "99 thump 99 thump 99 thump...?"
A centipede with a wooden leg.
What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"?
A watch dog.
What is a reptile's favorite movie?
The Lizard of Oz.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
Decomposing.
What kind of reptile tells time?
A clock-odile.
What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
Chocolate chimp cookies.
What magazine do cats like to read?
Good Mousekeeping.
What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.

During halftime of an embarrasing game, Bill Parcels entered the locker room carrying a live alligator. Glaring at the players, he dropped his pants and the reptile clamped its jaws around his organ. After several minutes of this, Parcels poked the reptile in the eye and it released his penis and scuttled away.
"Any of you wimps man enough to do that?" He bellowed
After a moment, the new place kicker raised his hand, "I am coach, but please, don't poke me in the eye."

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.
What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing, it just shuts up.
What does Michael Jackson call his "Tickle-me Elmo" doll? Bait.
What goes "99 thump 99 thump 99 thump...?" A centipede with a wooden leg.
What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"? A watch dog.
What is a reptile's favorite movie? The Lizard of Oz.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing.
What kind of reptile tells time? A clock-odile.
What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk? Chocolate chimp cookies.
What magazine do cats like to read? Good Mousekeeping.
What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing, it just shuts up.What does Michael Jackson call his "Tickle-me Elmo" doll? Bait.What goes "99 thump 99 thump 99 thump...?"A centipede with a wooden leg.What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"? A watch dog.What is a reptile's favorite movie? The Lizard of Oz.What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing.What kind of reptile tells time? A clock-odile.What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk? Chocolate chimp cookies.What magazine do cats like to read? Good Mousekeeping.What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers. What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing, it just shuts up. What does Michael Jackson call his "Tickle-me Elmo" doll? Bait. What goes "99 thump 99 thump 99 thump...?" A centipede with a wooden leg. What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"? A watch dog. What is a reptile's favorite movie? The Lizard of Oz. What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing. What kind of reptile tells time? A clock-odile. What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk? Chocolate chimp cookies. What magazine do cats like to read? Good Mousekeeping. What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.