Restaurant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Rabbi was walking home from the Temple and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments.
The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a Chinese restaurant (not a kosher one).
Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared
carrying a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon and other treif that the Rabbi could not bear to think about.
As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the Rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could take it no longer.
"Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does more...

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish."The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks."Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies.

This Poor Innocent Guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30-minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the more...

One day a chinese man came to a restaurant and heard a guy say `me me me` `me me me`, the next day.. he went to another restaurant and heard a guy say `fork and knife` `fork and knife`, then the next day, when he was about to leave the country, he went to a restaurant to have some lunch, he heard a guy say `whoo hoo!!!` `whoo hoo!!!` he saw a guy dead on the floor, the police came and said `Who did this?` The chinese man didnt know what to say, so he said `Me me me` `Me me me` The Police said `What did you kill him with?` He said `Fork and knife` `Fork and Knife` the police said `Your going to jail` the chinese guy said `Whoo hoo!!!` Whoo hoo!!!`

A guy told a group of his friends about the fantastic steak he had eating in a downtown restaurant the day before. They all decided to head down to the restaurant to see if it was really as great as he was making it out to be.
The group entered the restaurant and were seated at a table in the back section. After looking over the menu, they ordered and anxiously awaited their delicious, gigantic steaks.
To their collective disappointment, the waitress brought them the smallest steaks they had ever seen.
Embarrassed, the guy called the waitress over and said, "Now listen here! Yesterday I came in here and you brought me the biggest, juiciest, most delicious steak I have ever had. Today, when I have all my friends here, you serve us these miniature steaks. What is the meaning of this?"
"Yesterday, sir, you were sitting by the window!" replied the waitress.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

An elderly couple has dinner at another couple's house and, after eating, the wives leave the table and go into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen are talking, and one says, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I recommend it very highly."
The other man asks, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says to his friend, "Ah, what's the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies, "A carnation?"
"No, no. The other one," the man says.
His friend offers another suggestion, "The poppy?"
"Nah," growls the man. "You know, the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend asks, "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says.
He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that more...