Rested Jokes

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None -- It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them
to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say Something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required more...

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. - Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?' I said, "Dust!"In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%!!! Its called wedding cake.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man, and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man have rested.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified. In read: "Wife Wanted" The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A women who won't do what she's told.
What do you call a woman who just lost 90% of her intelligence? Divorced.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told. I married Miss Right. I just didn't more...