Retired Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded more...
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all mechanical things. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later his company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day he marked a small X in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated,' This is where your problem is!' The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50, 000 from the engineer for his services. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark. .. ..... .... $1 Knowing more...
I'm retired and this is as dressed up as I'm gonna get.
1. A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
'What are you doing dear?' Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' How do you know what sex they were?'
'Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone'
Memo - Subject: Retire Aged Personnel Early As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the Department areas, we are forced to cut our number of personnel. Under the new plan, older employees will be asked to accept early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect immediately. The program will be known as R. A. P. E. (Retire Aged Personnel Early). Employees who are R. A. P. E. D. will be given the opportunity to look for other employment outside the company. Provided they are being R. A. P. E. D., they can request a review of the employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation will be called S. C. R. E. W. (Survey of Capabilities of retired Early Workers). All employees who have been R. A. P. E. D. or S. C. R. E. W. E. D. may file an appeal with upper management. more...
Mary Poppins has retired from her days as a nanny and currently resides in Venice Beach, CA, where she predicts cases of bad breath for her clients
Her sign outside her office reads: "Super California Mystic, Expert: Halitotsis"
A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it - you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."