Returns Jokes / Recent Jokes

A duck walks into a bar and says " Got any bread?"
And the barman says "No"
The next day the duck returns and says "Got any bread?"
And the barman, "No!".
The following day the duck returns and says "Got any bread?"
"I told you yesterday, N-O NO!"
The next day the duck returns and says "Got any bread?"
"For cryin' out loud - N-O spells NO and I mean NO!! "
The day after the duck returns and says "Got any bread?"
"Look, if you ask me one more damn time if I've got any bread,
I'm going to nail your damn beak to the damn bar!!"
The next day the duck returns and says ""Got any nails?"
"No!"
"Got any bread?

A farmer goes into a farm supply store and orders two hundred chicks,
explaining to the owner that he wants to start a chicken farm. Two weeks
later, he returns to the store and buys another two hundred chicks. The
owner is curious, but doesn't say anything. The same thing happens when
the farmer returns in another two weeks for another two hundred chicks.
When he returns for the fourth time, the owner's curiousity is too much
for him, so he asks the farmer why he keeps coming back for so many chicks.
The farmer says, "Well, I guess I must be doing something wrong, but I don't
know what. I think I'm either planting them too deep or too close together."
Bemused by his lack of success, the farmer sends off a report of what he
has done to the local agricultural school, asking for advice. Three weeks
later, the reply comes back, saying simply, "Please send soil sample."

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he`s going to take up farming.
He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me a hundred baby chickens."
The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me two hundred baby chickens." The co-op man complies.
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me five-hundred baby chickens." "Wow! The co-op man replies "You must really be doing well!"
"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I`m either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?" Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell:' 'Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!'' The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks,' 'Got any nails?'' Confused, the bartenders says no.' 'Good!'' says the duck.' 'Got any grapes?''

Pat and mic are in the army and the commander asks wat pats name is, he says "
pat"
after that the commander says run round the site 15 times so he does it and returns, the commander again asks pat what his name is and he says "
pat"
, the commander tells him to run round the site again 15 times so he does it and returns.The commander once again asks his name and he says "
pat"
, the commander says "
we in the army use our full names"
so pat says "
patrick"
.The commander moves on to Mic and the commander asks his name and he says "
mictrick"
.

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to start farming. He goes to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well. "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

(best done with exaggerated English & German accents)
An English P.O.W. is in a German hospital with serious injuries. The
doctor comes into his room and says, "The news iss bad. Ve are going to
have to amputate your leg." The Brit replies "Right then. War is hell and
all that malarkey. But could you ask your commandant if he wouldn't find
it to much of a bother to drop it over my beloved homeland when he goes on
his next bombing mission?" Off goes the doctor, and with the commandant's
permission, they fulfill his request.
A few days later, the doctor returns into his room and says, "More bad news.
Ve are going to have to amputate your other leg." The Brit replies "Right
then. War is hell and all that malarkey. Could you ask your commandant
if he wouldn't mind terribly if he could drop it over my beloved homeland
when he goes on his next bombing mission?" Off goes the doctor, and more...