Revealed Jokes

In Aurangabad, 1968, in conjunction with the sisters of the Holy Cross, I was organist and choirmaster for a Christmas Carol Service. A number of officials were invited to read selected portions from the Scriptures. One portion: "The treasures will be opened and the glories of God will be revealed' was read as: "The trousers will be opened and the glories of God will be revealed.'

MASSIVE TUMOUR

In October 1991, surgeons at Stanford University Hospital removed an ovarian tumour weighing over 21 stone from a woman. It was the largest cyst ever detached from a human being. After the operation, the woman weighed 5 stone LESS than the tumour.



BABY CHICKEN

A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room complaining of abdominal pains. During an examination, doctors found that the woman's labia were pinned together with old safety pins. Further inside, they found the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman explained that she inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that they would grow into a baby.



INNER SKELETON

A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife, Brazil suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a foetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from more...

For those of you who were unable to attend the awards dinner during the annual [American Academy of Forensic Sciences] meeting in San Diego, you missed a tall tale on complex forensics presented by AAFS President Don Harper Mills in his opening remarks. The following is a recount of Dr. Mills' story.

On March 23 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a gunshot wound of the head caused by a shotgun. Investigation to that point had revealed that the decedent had jumped from the top of a ten story building with the intent to commit suicide. (He left a note indicating his despondency.)

As he passed the 9th floor on the way down, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, killing him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the 8th floor level to protect some window washers, and that the decedent would not have been able to complete his intent to more...

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY... check it out these actual cases.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba
tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, more...

Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the
damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with a dive
tank, flippers and face mask.
A post mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal
injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.
Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest
fire. It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast -
some 20 kilometers away from the forest.
The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of
helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then
flown to the forest fire and emptied.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the more...