Revised Jokes / Recent Jokes

Schemmer’s Law (Organization & Programs): When an organization faces a 20 year threat, it responds with 15-year programs, organized with 5-year plans, managed by 3-year directors, and funded by 1-year appropriations. Simmons’s Law: The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event. SNAFU Equations: 1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns. 2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available. 3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible. 4) Interchangeable devices won’t. 5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. 6) Badness comes in waves. Thoreau’s Theories Of Adaptation: 1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program’s commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure. 2) After more...

What Women Want in Men
Original List (age 22):
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
Revised List (age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
Revised List (age 42):
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady -- splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. more...

Original List (at age 22)

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

What I Want In A Man, Revised List. .. (at age 42)

1. Not too ugly-bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady-splurges on dinner at McDonald's on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends

What I Want In A Man, Revised List. .. (at age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where more...

THE following is the revised edition of an American prayer:
Forgive us our debts O Lord, I as we forgive our international debtors.

What I Want in a Man - Original List
Handsome
Charming
Financially successful
A caring listener
Witty
In good shape
Dresses with style
Appreciates finer things
Full of thoughtful surprises
An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
Opens car doors, holds chairs
Has enough money for a nice dinner
Listens more than talks
Laughs at my jokes
Carries bags of groceries with ease
Owns at least one tie
Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
Not too ugly (bald head OK)
Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
Nods head when I'm talking
Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
Wears a shirt that covers more...