Road Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde was driving down an old country road when she spotted a blonde rowing a boat in a in a wheat field. She pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she could not stand it any more she called out to the blonde in the field.
"Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?"
The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, "Because it is an ocean of wheat."
The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious.
She yells at the blonde in the field. "It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name."
The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again.
The blonde on the side of the road was beside herself and shook her fist at the blonde in the field then yelled, "If I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass."

1. You've ever cut your grass and found a car. 2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. 3. You think the stock market has a fence around it. 4. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in-Theater. 5. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. 6. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 7. You own a homemade fur coat. 8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns. 9. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so Ican take a bath." 11. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in." 12. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen. 13. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 14. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. 15. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call fromthe Governor to spare a loved one. 16. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hallbecause of her language. 17. Someone more...

The Road Runner cannot harm the coyote exept by going "Beep Beep!"
No outside force can harm the Coyote-only his own ineptitude or the failure of the ACME products.
The Coyote could stop anytime - IF he were not a fanatic. "A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim" - George Santayana.
No dialogue ever, except "Beep Beep!"
The road Runner must stay on the road - otherwise, logically, he would not be called Road Runner.
All Action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters - the Southwest American desert.
All material, tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the ACME Corporation.
Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.
The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures

A lorry driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. A ways down the road the lorry driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck on a direct course with the lawyer. Then he thought' Oh no, I have a priest in the truck I can't run down this lawyer' and at the last second the lorry driver swerved to miss the lawyer.
But, the lorry driver heard a thump outside of the lorry, he looked in his rear-view mirror but didn't see anything.
He turned to the priest and said' Sorry Father, I just missed that Lawyer at the side of the road' And the priest said' Don't worry son, I got him with my door'

A boy and his girl friend were driving down an old country road late at night in the dead of winter one time. Suddenly they came upon a dead skunk lying in the middle of the road. There was a little baby skunk sitting next to the dead skunk. Well, with a soft heart the girl ask the boy to stop. He stopped and the girl went out and got the baby skunk. As they drove on down the road the girl said he is shivering, what can I do? Well, the boy said wrap your scarf around him. She tried that but then said he is still shivering what can I do? Well, he said. Everyone knows the warmest spot on a woman is between her legs, tuck him in there. She thought for a minute then ask, what about the odor? The boyfriend replied just hold the little fellers nose!!!

Q: Why do elephants have trunks? A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments. Q: What do you do when you come across an elephant? A: Wipe it off! Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants? A: None of the offspring survived. Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's lying down in tall grass? A: VERY attractive. Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard? A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag! Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road? A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung). Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road? A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!". Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape? A: Cosine (Theta) Note: Assumes |elephant| |grape| 1 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber? A: Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler. Q: What do you more...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the' 'black man'' in order to trample him and keep him down.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,' 'Thou shalt cross the road.'' And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Martin Luther King, more...