Rock Jokes / Recent Jokes
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now."
An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed."
Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department."
On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!"
A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!"
Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."
Psychological Christmas Songs
SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.
DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town. .. or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!
PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle more...
A stern father was taking his little son Johnny for a walk in the park when suddenly a honeybee settled on a rock in front of them. Just for spite, the boy smashed it with a rock, whereupon his father said, "That was cruel, and for being cruel you'll get no honey for a whole year."
Later, Johnny deliberately stepped on a butterfly. "And for that, young man," said the father, "you'll get no butter for a year."
When they returned home, Johnny's mother was busy fixing dinner. Just as they entered the kitchen, she spied a cockroach and immediately crushed it. The little boy looked at his father impishly, and said: "Shall I tell her, Dad, or will you?"
1. The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
2. Under same management for over 2,000 years.
3. Soul food served here.
4. Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk.
5. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.
6. Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!
7. Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.
8. We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of rock.
9. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!
10. Come early for a good seat in the back.
11. Life has many choices! Eternity has two. What's yours?
12. Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.
13. A man's character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash.
14. K-mart isn't the only saving place!
15. Preach the gospel at all times... Use words only if necessary.
16. Delay is preferable to error.
17. It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees.
18. What part of "THOU SHALT more...
Total immersion geologists
Total immersion geologists: Are you totally obsessed with geology? If so, then you are a total immersion geologist. Here are the ten warning signs:
1. You judge a restaurant by the type of decorative building stone they use rather than their food.
2. You manage to turn any conversation into a discussion of geology, as in: "What did you think of that Superbowl game last night?" "I must have missed that conference. Who sponsored it? Geological Society of America?"
3. You refuse to let nightfall stop your field excursions and continue looking at the outcrops using the headlights of your field vehicle.
4. You like rock music only because it's called "rock" music.
5. You will try to claw through the water flowing in a stream to get a better look at the bedrock at the base of the channel.
6. You will walk across eight lanes of freeway traffic to see if the outcrop on the other side of the highway is the more...
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs. The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw" A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot. Dogs may not bark after 6 PM. It is illegal to kill "any living creature". It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1: 00 PM on Sunday. No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9: 00 P. M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54 Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.