Rock Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ancient History Explained... A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order: A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David. After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time. The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture. They probably used the donkey to till the fields. The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools. The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people. A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker. When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we more...

Little Johnny was receiving a severe scolding from his mother for fighting with his best friend.
"Johnny, I'm ashamed of you," his mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!"
"But, Mom," Little Johnny argued, "he threw a rock at me, so I threw one at him."
"When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me," his mother scolded.
"What good would that have done?" Little Johnny grumbled. "My aim's better than yours!"

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with more...

The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw" A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs. A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.
Fayetteville It is illegal to kill "any living creature". Little Rock Dogs may not bark after 6 PM. Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. It is unlawful to walk one`s cow down Main Street after 1: 00 PM on Sunday. No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9: 00 P. M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54

Here's one...
There was this priest who wanted to "spread the good word" in areas
where need was greatest. He thought that the best place to start was
in Africa. So off he went.
He went into a deep jungle, and found a tribe. In his haste, he
forgot that he would have to teach these people English first. So,
he selected what he thought was the smartest of the tribesmen and
began his teaching.
They went for long walks in the jungle, first the priest would point
to a rock and say, "Rock." And the native would say "bagwundame."
And the priest would repeat "Rock," and the native would say "roock."
Then priest would point and say "tree," native would say "tree,"
and so on-Until the native had a minor understanding of English.
It was on one of these "nature walks" that the pair stumbled upon a
clearing, and on the other edge of the clearing was a young more...

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small
house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man
with a
long gray beard.
"I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition. If you so much
as lay
a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst
Chinese
tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as
well,
and entered the house.
Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,
beautiful and
had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as
she
couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old
man's
warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room
for a
night of passion. more...

I'm so excited for The Beatles: Rock Band to come out for XBox. I'm already calling 3 of my best friends, and an Asian girl I don't like.