Rocks Jokes / Recent Jokes

THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now. To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs. To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know more...

Two Irishmen are standing on the top of a cliff, looking out over a huge
drop to the rocks below.
One turns to the other and says, "OK, Paddy, a pact is a pact. We're
going to do it, right?"
Paddy says, "If you tink we should, Murphy, I'm with you all the way. As
you say, a pact is a pact, but you go first."
Murphy thinks about this for a moment, then says, "But you'll be right
behind me, yes?"
"Oh, yes, Murphy. I'll do it, but I want to watch you first."
"OK then Paddy. I'm going. Goodbye!"
With that, Murphy takes a budgerigar out of his coat pocket, ties some
string around its legs, and straps it firmly onto his head. He steps
forward to the edge of the cliff, and throws himself off.
The budgie flaps its wings like mad, but to no avail. It can't hold the
weight of a thirteen stone Irishman in the air by itself. Murphy falls
splat, and breaks both legs on the rocks.
Paddy more...

What do you call an unemployed jester?... Nobody's fool.
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf - Because for them, it's too much like their work - you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another.
Feminist's lament: "I think, therefore I am single."
Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push... Push...Push!"
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager."
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."
Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
If a tree falls in a forest, and more...

What do you call an unemployed jester?... Nobody's fool.
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf - Because for them, it's too much like their work - you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another.
Feminist's lament: "I think, therefore I am single."
Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push... Push...Push!"
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager."
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."
Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn
to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
If a tree falls in a more...

HUMPTY DUMPTY
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's Horses and all the King's men
Came and ate scrambled eggs again.

Father Bear: Someone has been eating my porridge.
Mother Bear: Someone has been eating my porridge.
Baby Bear (crying): Someone has been eating my porridge!
Granny Bear: Oh, will you all please cut it out?! I haven't even served
the porridge yet!

Why is a pig's tail like getting up at 3 am?. .. Its twirly.

Why did Robin Hood rob only the rich?. .. Because the poor had no money.

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"

Two peanuts walking down the street, one of them's a salted.

What kind of rocks are on the bottom of the Mississippi River? WET rocks.

What is a plumbers favourite flower?. .. Draineeums.

What do you call a pumped-up pumpkin?. .. A jock more...

Top Ten Signs Your Relationship Is On The Rocks10. Her term of affection for you is "You Bastard."9. She shaves your eyebrows off while you are asleep.8. She rushes to answer the phone each time it rings, and puts it down with a hushed, "I can't talk now... I'll call you later."7. Your picture on her wall has darts in it.6. She reads books like "Women are From Venus, Men Are Complete Assholes."5. She falls asleep during sex. The oral kind. While she's giving it.4. When you call her, she answers your voice with, "Oh. It's only you."3. She cancels your date because she has to clean out the septic tank.2. She makes inquiries about going on the Witness Protection Program.And the Number One Sign Your Relationship Is On The Rocks...1. Her cat pees on you. And receives a reward.

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the 'most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then
stop.
Question: What is one horsepower?
Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
Talc is found on rocks and on babies.
The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to more...