Rod Jokes

Santa was walking through Rose Garden in Chandigarh and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said Santa to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I`ll see if I can help."
So he walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishing, sir."
"Fishing, well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"
The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of Scotch, snacks and a fine cigar.
Santa felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the fourth today, sir!"

MAKING COFFEE Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk. LAYING A CARPET Laying a carpet is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay. HANGING WALLPAPER Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork. PUTTING UP A TENT Putting up a tent, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'.. slip in to the old bag. WASHING A CAR Washing a car, is very much more...

Okay, I'm a hypocrite. (Hippycrite?) Sue me. I used to like Christmas back
then. Besides, it took me ages to find this, so you are getting it whether you
want it or not.

From the Bench Racer 1962, stolen from the Foothills Street Rod Association
at fsra. org



"YULESVILLE"

'Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the pad,
Not a hep cat was swinging - and that's nowhere, dad,
The stove was hung up in that stocking routine,
Like, maybe the fat man would soon make the scene.

The kids that fell by had just made the street;
I was ready for Snoresville, and man, was I beat;
When there started a rumble that came on real frantic,
So I opened the window to figure the panic.

I saw a slick rod that was making fat tracks,
Souped up by eight ponies, all wearing hat racks;
And a funny old geezer was flipping his lid.
He told them to make it, and man, like they more...

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there". So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there. So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her."How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde. So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."

I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife...
... best trade I ever made.