Rodney Jokes / Recent Jokes
Rodney Dangerfield jokes
A girl phoned me the other day and said. ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all.
And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play with.
During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
One day as I came home early from work. .... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy. ... Hey buddy. ... why are you doing that for? He said. ... Because you came home early.
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning. ... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My mother never breast fed more...
June 1st, was just a few short days away. It is a special day since it is the birthday of Rodney's wife, Cathy. Rodney asked his wife, what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again," Cathy replied.
Rodney pondered this for awhile. On the morning of Cathy's birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to Six Flags Magic Mountain, a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park, Colossus, Batman Returns, Viper, Goliath, and all the other roller coaster rides there!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where Rodney ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie to see Spiderman. Rodney stopped by the concession stand and ordered hot dogs, popcorn, soda pop and candy. What a fabulous adventure! Finally Cathy wobbled home with her more...
Rodney Harrison has decided to leave the New England Patriots to become a broadcaster with NBC. Anyone who's played for Bill Belichick knows a thing or two about being on camera.
A man walks into a bar and says,' 'Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy.'' Bartender says,' 'You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?'' The guy says,' 'Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here.''
He then pulls a little 3 inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks,' 'You mean to say, he can drink that much?''' 'Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some,'' the man retorted.
So, the bartender pours the 2 shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.' 'That's amazing!'' says the bartender.' 'What else can he do? Can he walk?'' The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says,' 'Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter.'' The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock.' 'That's amazing!'' he says.' 'What else can he do? Does he talk?'' The more...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD'S BEST ONE-LINERS
I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy..I'd have nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said...."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
One day as I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?"
He said, "Because you came home early."
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I was such an ugly baby...My mother more...