Roll Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct more...

At the morning roll call at Fort Dix, the sergeant called out,"Platoon, atten-HUT! Private Martinez, report to the office. Your brother died last night." The Chaplain, Rabbi Horowitz, looked on in horror. "Sergeant," he saidafterwards, "that's a rather cruel and unfeeling way to break tragic news. We must be more gentle and less abrupt in the future,"The sergeant shrugged. "Yes sir. I'll try to remember that." He didn'tlook very convinced. Several days later, a call came in about another family death. As the troops were assembling for roll call, the Chaplain stepped forward." Let me take this one, sergeant", he said. He turned toward the sleepy-looking soldiers and said, "Platoon, atten-HUT! " They came to attention. "Good morning, men!" he said. "Good morning, sir", they replied. "Men, today is Mother's Day, and I hope all of you will be calling home to send your moms a loving thought. In fact, all more...

Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, "So,... how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?"
Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper."

Here's a chance for you men to find out how compassionate and sensitive you are to women. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Simple Duties
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up. (-5)
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty. (0)
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom. (-2)
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings. (+5)
But return with beer. (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something. (+5)
You pummel it more...

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10, 000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude. ”
With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, “Mama needs new clothes. ” Then she yells, “YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON. ”
She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll, anyway? ”
The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought YOU were watching. ”
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.

Q)If a ruster lays an egg on the peek of the roof. what side would the egg roll down?
A)the egg wont roll because rusters dont lay eggs!!!

This couple are out having a romantice meal for the first time together. Suddenly something from the man's side whips from under the table, steals a bread roll and dissappears back under the table. The guy doesn't blink an eyelid and the woman can't tell whether it really happened. She says nothing.
Well, damn, the same thing happens again. The woman checks the guy out and sure he makes out like nothing happened so she holds it in. A little time passes. The, hell, it happens a third time and the woman can no longer hold it in and she speaks up demanding to know what's going on.
The man explains. "Look, I was in an accident in India.. I lost my. .penis.. the surgeons transplanted a baby elephant's trunk in it's place and, well, I've grown to accept it and hell, It's embarrassing but that's it".
"No, no.." the woman says "that's absolutely incredible. And you mean the trunk keeps stealing the bread rolls like an elephant. WOW. Look that's so more...