Ronnie Jokes

On the bottom 3 rungs of hell are: Richard Nixon, 3rd from the bottom; Ronald Reagan, 2nd from hell's lowest rung; and George W. Bush, who actually doesn't have a rung, because when you're at the very bottom, you don't need one.
So Smirk's a little peeved about this, so he asks Tricky Dick, "Hey, Nixon, how come you're 3rd from the bottom, I mean, with Watergate and all?"
Nixon replies "Well, Watergate certainly was a scandal, and I am not a crook, but nobody, I mean nobody can say that I didn't do my own thinking. Hell, I did everybody's thinking, the stupid shits!"
So George W. says, "Well if you say so, but how 'bout you Ronnie, for sure you never did your own thinking, Hell, Nancy had to consult the Ouija board to find out if you should pick your nose or pick somebody for a cabinet post."
Ronnie Ray-gun replies, "Well fella, that may be true, but at least I was elected. With a majority. Twice."

This little drama was told me by one of the Polish students in Oxford.
Apparently it was a popular joke in Poland during the late '80s.
Jocelyn Paine
[ Scene: The White House ]
Presidential Aide - Mr. Reagan!. Mr Reagan Sir!!! The Russians have just
landed on the Moon! And they've started to paint it
red! What shall we do?
Ronnie - Come back when they've finished, son.
P.A. [later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have painted a quarter
of the moon red!
Ronnie - Don't worry about it, son. Tell me when they've finished.
P.A. [still later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted half the
moon red! Aren't you going to do anything?
Ronnie - Nope, not yet.
P.A. [still later and even more anxious]
- Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted
THREE-QUARTERS of the moon red! Can we bomb them, Sir?
Please, Sir?
Ronnie - [ as before ]
P.A. - Mr Reagan. They've painted the WHOLE moon red!
Ronnie - OK. Now more...

Ronnie never listens in science class because he says it's boring..
One day his teacher asked, "Ronnie, What are the 3 states of matter?"
Since he heard his name he did listen to the question. So he thinks for a second and replies, "Texas, Florida, and Arkansas!"

On the bottom 3 rungs of hell are: Richard Nixon, 3rd from the bottom; Ronald Reagan, 2nd from hell's lowest rung; and George W. Bush, who actually doesn't have a rung, because when you're at the very bottom, you don't need one.

So Smirk's a little peeved about this, so he asks Tricky Dick, "Hey, Nixon, how come you're 3rd from the bottom, I mean, with Watergate and all?"

Nixon replies "Well, Watergate certainly was a scandal, and I am not a crook, but nobody, I mean nobody can say that I didn't do my own thinking. Hell, I did everybody's thinking, the stupid shits!"

So George W. says, "Well if you say so, but how' bout you Ronnie, for sure you never did your own thinking, Hell, Nancy had to consult the Ouija board to find out if you should pick your nose or pick somebody for a cabinet post."

Ronnie Ray-gun replies, "Well fella, that may be true, but at least I was elected. With a majority. Twice."

Ahhh -- the good ole days when Ronnie was in office:

Presidential Aide - Mr. Reagan!. Mr Reagan Sir!!! The Russians have just landed on the Moon! And they've started to paint it red! What shall we do?

Ronnie - Come back when they've finished, son.

P.A. [later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have painted a quarter of the moon red!

Ronnie - Don't worry about it, son. Tell me when they've finished.

P.A. [still later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted half the moon red! Aren't you going to do anything?

Ronnie - Nope, not yet.

P.A. [still later and even more anxious] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted THREE-QUARTERS of the moon red! Can we bomb them, Sir? Please, Sir?

Ronnie - [ as before ]

P.A. - Mr Reagan. They've painted the WHOLE moon red!

Ronnie - OK. Now call NASA, and tell them to get a rocket up there, with plenty of white paint, and paint' more...