Rudolph Jokes / Recent Jokes

Season's Greetings,
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received more...

A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance."I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team.""Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly.The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with 'T'?"The Polak said, "Two!""Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?""Today and Tomorrow!""Hmm... OK," said the coach."How many seconds are there in a year?""Twelve!""Twelve? How did you come up with more...

A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance.

"I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the
team."

"Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly.

The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter' T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in' Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"

Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with' T'?"

The Polak said, "Two!"

"Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?"

"Today and Tomorrow!"

"Hmm... OK," said the coach. more...

Hi, kids! Hope you all had a good weekend. I know we did up here at the
North Pole, because the first weekend in December is traditionally time
when we hold the Reindeer Games.

Which, not entirely coincidentally, brings us to today's letter from
Peter, from Chicago, who asks:

Dear Santa:

One of the saddest stories at Christmas is how Rudolph, the red-nosed
reindeer, wasn't allowed to join in all the reindeer games. Rudolph
became a hero, but we never actually found out what sort of games are
reindeer games. What kinds of games are they?"

Well, Peter, there are reindeer games, and then there are The Reindeer
Games. It's the difference between playing softball in the park with
your buddies, and participating in the Olympics. Anyone can play
reindeer games any time they want (even if you're not really a
reindeer). But it takes a special sort of deer to have the drive to be
in the more...

While touring Russia the Joneses had a very pleasant walking tour with their guide, Rudolph, until the very end of the day. It began to precipitate, and Mr. Jones said, "It would have to start snowing before we reach the hotel."
"Pardon," said the guide, "but that's not snow: It's rain."
Mr. Jones shook his head. "Sorry, friend, but you're wrong. It's snow."
"Rain," the Russian said confidently.
"Snow."
"Rain, Comrade."
Getting red in the face, Mr. Jones was about to yell at the guide when his wife lay a cautioning hand on his arm.
"Please," she said to Mr. Jones, "control you-self. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

The usual large flamboyant typeface associated with the season's greetings had been downsized this year commensurate with the trend toward corporate downsizing. [And the fact that SMTP does not support typeface control].
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should more...

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife." No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"