Rudolph Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance." I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team." "Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly. The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter' T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in' Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with' T'?" The Polak said, "Two!""Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?" "Today and Tomorrow!""Hmm... OK," said the coach." How many seconds are there in a year?" "Twelve!""Twelve? How did you come up more...

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.' 'I think it's raining'', he said to his wife.

' 'No, that felt more like snow to me'', she replied.

' 'No, I'm sure it was just rain'', he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing when they saw a communist party official walking toward them.

' 'Let's not fight about it'', the man said,' 'Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing''.

As the official approached, the man said,' 'Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?''

' 'It's raining, of course'', he replied, and walked on.

But the woman insisted:' 'I know that felt like snow!''

To which the man quietly replied:' 'Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear''

Deck The Halls
See that drag queen his name's Molly.
Fa La La La La La La La La
For 50 bucks he'll make you jolly.
Fa La La La La La La La La
See him in his gay apparel.
Fa La La La La La La La La
You should meet his brother Carol.
Fa La La La La La La La La
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
We wish you a happy hearing,
we wish you a happy hearing,
We wish you a happy hearing,
and we hope you make bail!
Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Rudolph the red nosed wino,
Had a very shiny nose,
And if you got too close to him,
He would take off his clothes.
All of the other winos,
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Rudolph,
Join in any wino games.
Then one chilly Christmas Eve,
Rudolph froze to death in an alley.
End of story.

One day a man is up on his soap box telling blonde jokes. A large crowd has gathered around him and are laughing hysterically at every line, most of which he probably took off of this website. A blonde walks up to him and starts yelling at him, "You know, not all blondes are as dumb as you make us out to be."
Taken aback by this he says, "Fine. If you can answer three questions, I'll pack it up and never tell another blonde joke." She agrees and he starts the questioning.
"Ok, I'll give you an easy one first. What are the colors of the flag of the United States of America?"
"That's easy," she replies, "Red, white, and blue."
"Not bad, I've had some blondes screw that one up. OK, next question. Who wrote the play 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'?"
"At this rate you better start packing up and leaving. That is by William Shakespeare," she retorts
"Impressive. Ok, third and final question. How more...

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining was due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.

I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for more...

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job. Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks. However it wasn't his glowing proboscis that he wanted changed. He was proud of his
nose and the help he had given Santa because of it. No, he was sensitive about his long ears which were much more prominent than the ears of the average reindeer, or bear for that matter. So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the pinna reconstructive surgery procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been celebrated as. .. New Ears Day.

I was traveling to Seattle on business. Knowing how the weather is up there (and lacking the proper clothing), I went to a local outdoor shop for a inclement weather clothing. Not finding what I was looking for, I went to another. Then another. Finally, a salesman suggested that I go to Rudolph's.

"Rudolph's?" I said, surprised. "Do you mean the Russian specialty store?"

To which the salesman answered, "Rudolph the Red knows rain gear."

~~
Editor's note: Man, this punchline gets used a lot of ways... But I hadn't seen the NW variation before.