Russian Jokes / Recent Jokes

There Were 3 People In An Aeroplane Which Had Crashed And They Were On A Deserted Island. One Man Was A Russian, The Other Was An American And The Third Was A Sardar(Sikh). They Found A Lamp And They Rubbed It. Out Came A Gin(Jinni). The Gini Said That I Give Each Of You A Wish That I Shall Fulfill After Which I Shall Not Help You. So They Said:
American: Send Me Back Home Safely.
So, The Gin Flicked His Finger And He (American) Vanished.
Russian: Send Me Back Home Safely.
So, The Gin Flicked His Finger And He (Russian) Vanished.
Sardar: I Am Getting Bored Get Me My Friends Back. So The Gin Flicked His Finger And They Both Came Back.
Now What Was Left To Do.
They Were Stuck On The Island Forever.

AN Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
'They must have been English,' declared the Englishman.' Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'
'They were undoubtedly French,' said the Frenchman.' Who else could seduce a woman so easily?'
I think they were Russians,' said the Russian.' After all, who else could walk stark naked, feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in Paradise?'

A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London.' 'Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage due to the mad cow disease,'' says the waiter. The Texan says,' 'What's a shortage?'' The Russian says,' 'What's a steak?'' The New Yorker says,' 'What's excuse me?''

A Polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.

The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

These four guys were walking down the street,
a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a
New Yorker.A reporter comes running up and says,
'Excuse me, what is your opinion about the
meat shortage?'The Saudi says,' Excuse me, what's a shortage?'The Russian says,' Excuse me, what's meat?'The North Korean says,' Excuse me, what's an opinion?'The New Yorker, says,' Excuse me? What's excuse me?

How does a Russian Aeroflot pilot navigate? By reading street signs.

With modern medical conveniences coming into Russia since the USSR's breakup, many Russians still have to learn how to do things that westerners understand from modern culture.
One Doctor working in an outback part of the country was visited by a old Russian man with severe constipation. Being in a hurry, the doctor gave the poor Russian some suppositories and sent him away with a scheduled checkup in three days. Three days passed and the old Russian man arrived back at the doctors.
"So how did those work for ya?", the doctor asked.
The old Russian, with a look of disgust replied: "Doctor! They tasted like shit; They stuck in my throat; and for as much good as they did me, I might as well have shoved them up my ass!"