Sack Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack.
The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?"
The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack."
The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?"
The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of' em!"

Three women escaped from prison, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. After running for quite some time, they came across a barn and decided to hide inside and get some rest. Inside, they found three burlap sacks, so they each hid in one.
When the police arrived at the barn, one of the officers noticed the three sacks and told his partner about them.
"Kick them to make sure the prisoners aren't hiding in them," his partner said.
The officer kicked the sack with the brunette in it and she yelled, "MEOW!" "There's just a cat in this one," he said.
Next he kicked the sack with the redhead in it and she yelled, "WOOF! WOOF!" "There's just a dog in this one," he remarked.
Finally, he kicked the sack with the blonde in it and she yelled, "POTATOES!"

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks."
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.
Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and more...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying to rob a bank. Just as they were about to leave someone puched an alarm. With two cops chasing the three girls, they ran into a warehouse nearby. In the warehouse were three sacks. Each girl hopped into one. When the two cops arrived they saw the sacks. The first sack was the red head. Her sack had a dog on it. One of the officers kicked it and heard a sudden ruff! ruff!
"Oh, it must be a dog," he said.
The other officer kicked the second sack, which was the brunette, and her sack had a cat on it. The officer kicked it and heard a sudden meow! meow!
He said,"Oh, it must be a cat."
Last was the blonde and when the officer kicked it ands heard a sudden "pooooottaaaaattoooo"

Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, "Ill climb this tree and shake the branches; if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and the dogs will bite their tail and immobilise them so that you can pick them up quite safely and put them in the sack." "But what do I need the gun for?" asked the assisant. "If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot the dog."

(May 1999, Thailand) A man known for his snake catching and charming skills was called to a neighbor's home. They needed an emergency exorcism of a python, which had invaded their dwelling. Hie, 55, rushed into the house in the northern provoke of Uttaradit, and emerged victorious with the snake held aloft in a burlap sack.

He was walking home with the snake, when villagers ran into him and asked to see the python. He pulled the snake from the sack and boldly wrapped it around his neck. The wild python, a five-foot-long coil of solid muscle, constricted around him and began to strangle him.

He screamed for help vainly, for the petrified villagers were afraid to approach the serpent. Within minutes, Hie fell to the ground dead. Local policemen forcibly unwrapped the snake from his neck and placed it in captivity.

A man tried to rob a bank. As a disguise, he wore a paper sack over his head. The sack was secured by a rope around his neck.

Only very small peep holes were cut out so he could see. Armed with a shotgun, the robber told the teller to start emptying the tills and he commanded everyone else to drop to the floor or he would start shooting.

Everyone in the bank complied with the armed robber's command.

Then suddenly, as the robber moved closer to the tellers window, he began to wobble and walk erratically. Seconds later, the armed robber fell to the floor. He dropped his shotgun. It appeared that he was not moving, so a security officer picked up the gun and told the robber he was under arrest. It was apparent that there was something wrong with the robber. The security officer and a customer in the bank, with medical experience, tried to remove the mask.

They had difficulty getting the rope untied from around the man's neck and so had to rip more...