Saleswoman Jokes / Recent Jokes

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

(An amusing anecdote from the Jan 26 San Jose Mercury News.)
Nearly everyone knows that Judith Martin, better known as Miss
Manners, the syndicated columnist, is exceedingly correct. Last
week, she saw an advertisement in the newspaper that a Maryland
jewelry store was having a sale in her silver pattern. Upon arriving
at the store, she told the jeweler she was looking for additional
dessert spoons in her pattern and had been making do with the larger
soup spoons.
"That's not much of a hardship," the employee said. "It is
for me," Martin responded. Caught up in the moment, the saleswoman
joked, "Who do you think you are, Miss Manners?" The easily
recognizable Miss Manners looked at the woman, unable to respond. And
then it registered. "Oh my God!" the saleswoman said.

I recently purchased a new PC from one of the major computer manufacturers. I
placed my order via the web but asked for them to call me for my credit card information. So, after a couple days of phone tag, I got in touch with the saleswoman handling my account. I was thinking I'd just give her my credit card number and be on my way.Almost.Saleswoman: “Do you realize that the modem you've chosen doesn't have sound support?”Customer: “What exactly does a ‘modem with no sound support’ mean?”Saleswoman: “It means that if you go to a web page that has a movie or sound file, you
won't be able to hear it.”Customer: “What does the modem have to do with that?”Saleswoman: “Well, sir, the modem is what connects your computer to the Internet.”Customer: “So, you're telling me that this particular modem scans the TCP/IP packets
passing through it for those belonging to any sound application and filters them out?”Saleswoman: “Yes.”Customer: “How does more...

A man who was always brief in his conversations, was known by his friends as a man of few words.
One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of cosmetics rang his doorbell and asked to speak to his wife. He told the woman that his wife wasn't home.
"Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the living room and left her sitting there for over an hour.
After becoming a bit impatient, she called out for him and asked, "May I ask where your wife is?"
"She's at the cemetery," he replied.
"When is she returning?" the saleswoman asked.
"Not sure," he replied.
"Well, how long has she been there?" asked the salesady.
"Nine years," the man answered.

(This is a joke told by the Greaseman, a DJ on DC-101, a Washington radio
station:)
Once upon a time, there was a woman working at a lingerie counter, and
a customer came to the counter with a pair of frilly panties and said
she'd like to buy them, adding, "but only of you can embroider 'If
you can read this, you're too close.' on the back."
So, the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in back, and described the
rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "Well, she sounds like a stick in the mud, but I can do
that. Does she want block letters or script?"
Since the saleswoman didn't know, she went back around to the counter, and
asked, "do you want that in block letters or script?"
The customer replied, with a smile, "Braille."