Sandwich Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a Chinese dude, a Mexican dude, and a Blonde dude. The Chinese dude says, "What?!! Sushi again? If I have to eat sushi for lunch again, I'm gonna jump off a building!" Then the Mexican dude says, "What?!! Tacos again? If I have to eat tacos for lunch again, I'm gonna jump off a building too!" And then finally, the Blonde dude says, "What?!! A sandwich again? If I have to eat a sandwich for lunch again, I'm gonna jump off a building also!" At the funeral, the wife of the Chinese dude said, "If I knew you didn't like sushi, I wouldn't have made it for you anymore!" Then the wives of the Mexican dude said, "If we knew you didn't like tacos, we wouldn't have made it for you anymore!" And everyone in tears looks at the Blonde dude's wife. All she had to say was, "What?!! HE MADE HIS OWN LUNCH!!!"

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was NOT mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard more...

Three guys work on a constuction site. One is white, one is black and one is Polish. The bell rings for lunch and the white man opens his lunchbag and sighs deeply, saying, ''If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow I'm jumping off the building.'' The black guy opens up his lunch, glares and says '' If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going with you." The Polish man opens his lunch, pulls out another ham sandwich, and says ''I'm with you guys.''
The next day the lunch bell rings.The white man opens his lunch. He says, ''Turkey sandwich. I love my wife.'' The black guy opens his lunch. He says, ''Chicken sandwich. I love my wife. The Polish man opened his lunchbox, looked stricken, and said '' See ya guys.'' With that, he jumped off the building. The black guy says '' I feel sorry for him. ''The white man replies, ''Why?'' The black guy said, ''Because he packs his own lunch.'

there is a fly flying over a venus fly trap when tha venus fly trap thinks to itself if that fly drops 6in lower i can have the fly. then a bear comes along and says to himself if that fly drops 6in lower then the venus fly trap can have tha fly and i can get tha venus fly trap. then a hunter comes and says if that fly drops 6in lower then the venus fly trap can get tha fly the bear can get tha venus fly trap and i can shoot tha bear. then amouse comes and says if that fly drops 6in lower then tha venus flytrap can get tha fly the bear can get tha venus fly trap the hunter can shoot the bear and i can have the hunters sandwich. then a cat comes along and says if that fly drops 6in lower then the venus fly trap can get the fly the bear can have the venus fly trap the hunter can shoot the bear the mouse can get tha hunters sandwich and i can get tha mouse. then a dong comes along and says that if that fly drops 6in lower then the venus fly trap can get tha fly the bear can get the venus more...

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!"
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what more...

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.