Sandwich Jokes / Recent Jokes

A bologna sandwich walks into a bar, sits down, and starts to order a drink.
The bartender looks at him funny and says "Get out of here. We don't serve food in here!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are walking through the desert. The redhead brought a bottle of water, the brunette brought a sandwich, and the blonde brought a car door.
When they ask the redhead why she brought the water, she replies"If i get thirsty, i can take a drink."
When they ask the brunette why she brought the sandwich, she replies"If i get hungry, then i can eat it."
When they ask the blonde why she brought the car door, she replies"If i get hot, i can roll down the window."

A sandwich walked into a bar and asked for a pint.
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve food."

At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too." A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too." Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."

A good man passed away and went to heaven. He was greeted by St. Peter, who congratulated him and said he could have anything he wished.
The fellow requested something to eat and a telescope so that he could look around.
While eating the sandwich provided to him, he peered through the telescope down at the folks in hell and saw that they were feasting on prawns, chicken tikkas, mutton chops, karahi paneer and desserts.
"How come people down there are eating gourmet food?" He asked St. Peter. "I earned a place in heaven, but you gave me only a sandwich!"
"Well," replied St. Peter apologetically, "it doesn't pay to cook for just two."

This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father. The names have been changed to protect the dignity of the father...
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on more...

An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work at the top of a high-rise building.
It was lunch time, and when the Irishman opened his lunch pail he groaned, "Corned beef and cabbage again! If I get corned beef and cabbage for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building!"
The Mexican opened his lunch pail and exclaimed, "Tacos again! If I get tacos for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building too!"
Then the redneck opened his lunch pail and grumbled, "Bologna again! If I get one more bologna sandwich for lunch I'm going to jump too!"
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch pail, found he had corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
Next, the Mexican opened his lunch pail, saw he had tacos and jumped to his death too.
Finally, the redneck opened his lunch pail, found a bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.
At their funeral the following day, the Irishman's more...