Santa Banta Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair
of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, but isn`t fully
convinced.
The store assistant comes along and closes the deal.
On his way home, Santa puts on his new x-ray glasses
and, bingo, he sees everyone in the street naked!
He takes them off for a moment,
and everyone has their clothes on.
Puts the glasses back on... everyone is naked! "Cool!"
As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new
toy to his wife but can`t find her.
He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and some
guy, naked in bed.
He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked.
He puts them back on, and they are still naked.
Santa gets disgusted and says, "Damn,
I just paid fifty-bucks for these,
and they`re already broken!"

Two drunk, Santa and Banta, were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground.
"Is that shit, Banta?" Santa said.
"I don`t really know." Responded Banta as he bent over, "it smells like shit."
Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. "It feels like shit!"
Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. "Sure tastes like shit, buddy! I think it`s definitely shit."
"Hooooeee!" Responded Santa, "Good thing we didn’t step in it!"

Santa walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of the strongest thing you`ve got."
He takes the shot glass and knocks it back. He then asks for another one and knocks that on back, too. After about five or six of these the bartender decides that he`s going to cut the guy off.
Bartender says to Santa, "Hey, what`s wrong with you? Did you have a fight with your wife or something?"
Santa sighs and says, "Yeah, after the fight she said that she wasn`t going to speak to me for a whole month!"
The bartender, puzzled, says, "Well, what`s wrong with that?"
Santa replied, "Well today`s the last day!"

Santa Singh was a not too smart kind of guy. Everyday
when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by
three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal
his money. Finally, Santa decided that it would serve
his best interest to walk a different route and then
take up some self-defense classes so,
this wouldn`t happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well
to defend himself. So, one day, on the way home from
work Santa took his old route home and sure enough
there they were.
He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon Santa went to his karate class
with a black eye,
a broken nose and a busted lip. His instructor,
shocked, asked him what happened?
`Well,` explained Santa, `I took my old way home
last night so I could beat these guys up who were
stealing my money, but they beat me up before I
could get my shoes and socks off!`

A man walking down the street came upon Santa and Banta who are trying to measure an up-right pole with a yard stick.
Along comes this really big, musclebound shmuck and says, "Hey, what are you guys doing?"
Santa and Banta say, "We`re trying to measure the height of this pole."
The man wraps his arms around the pole, pulls it out of the ground, lays it down and measures it. Then he picks it up, puts it back in the ground and says, "22 feets," and walks away.
Santa was now quite mad and yelled back, "You idiot we were not trying to see how long it was... I need to know how high it is!

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he needed. Santa replies, "Fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" Santa tells him that they aren`t for a room, they are for his computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!" Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........ I`ve got Windows!"

At night someone knocks on the door. Jeeto wakes up and asks:
"Santa, is that you?"
Silence. She returns to bed. Again a knock.
"Santa, don`t make me nervous, is that you?"
Silence. She waits a while then returns to bed. Again a knock. She opens the door to find her drunken husband, Santa, standing there.
"You moron! I was asking if it was you, why weren`t you answering???"
"I was nodding you!!!"