Savings Jokes / Recent Jokes
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.Streamlining was due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management more...
The president of a large managed care company was also chairman of the board of his community's symphony orchestra. Finding he could not go to one of his concerts, he gave the tickets to the company's director of health care containment.
The next morning, the president asked the director how he enjoyed the performances. Instead of the expected usual polite remarks, the director handed him a memorandum which read as follows:
1. The attendance of the orchestra conductor is unnecessary for public performances. The orchestra has obviously practiced and has received prior authorization from the conductor to play the symphony at a predetermined level of quality. Considerable money could have been saved merely by having the conductor critique the orchestra's performance during a retrospective peer review meeting.
2. For considerable periods, the four oboe players had nothing to do. Their numbers should be reduced and their work spread over the whole more...
New Republican GOP agenda - the Top Ten House Republican initiatives:
Eliminate the Department of Health and Human Services, all Occupational Safety and Health laws and regulations, and Luxury Taxes, and use the savings to eliminate the corporate income tax.
Restore the House on Un-American Activities Committee (Robert Dornan to be Chairman) and eliminate the Ethics Committee.
Provide tax credits for home schooling.
Repeal all gun control laws and provide tax incentives for private militia.
Eliminate all Federal election funding and regulations, and repeal the voting rights act.
Right to Work Act: Repeal anti-competition laws and outlaw labor monopoly groups.
Pass a "anti-flag burning" constitutional amendment to protect patriotic emblems such as "Old Glory," the "Stars-and-Bars," "Star-Spangled Banner," "Dixie," and maybe the "Battle Hymn of the Republic."
Provide tax credit for mothers to more...
The switch away from daylight savings time caused consternation among terrorist groups this year.
At precisely 5: 30 Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs.
A closer look revealed the truth behind the untimely explosions. Three days before, Israel had made a premature switch from daylight savings time to standard time in order to accommodate a week of Slihot, involving pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to "live on Zionist time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued.
The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings time. The confused drivers had already switched to standard time. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering to the terrorists their well-deserved demise.