Sax Jokes

What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower, and the neighbors are upset if you borrow a
lawn mower and don't return it.

If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an
in-tune tenor sax player, an out of tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out of tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate you are hallucinating.

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: It`s all in the grip.

Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?
A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner`s neighbors don`t mind if you don`t return the sax when you borrow it.

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?
A: Vibrato.

Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to handle the bulb, and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would`ve done it.

Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two.

Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari-sax?
A: Add vibrato.

Q: What`s the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn`t!

Q: How more...

ALTO SAX: Originally invented by Adolph Sax as the result of an evening of much cheap wine and a dare by a drunken horn player, the instrument he produced is neither brass nor woodwind. The only intended victim of this vile weapon is the concert band French horn player. Nothing is worse than hearing a great brass lick only to be obscured by the overly reedy tone and wobbly "vibrato" of some half crazed alto sax doubling the horns and overplaying them. Composers and arrangers are to blame as much as the alto players. Older players unable to temper their 1940's swing band vibrato are also a danger. The only counter measure is to question their manhood by daring the player to play Charlie Parker's "Donna Lee" at 230 beats per minute. That should shut' em up!

BARITONE SAX: A tenor or alto wannabe, this instrument is flaccid and harmless unless played in the style of Stephen "Doc" Kupka (Tower of Power). His sporadic well placed grunting and punctuated style, when discovered by young players, can cause discomfort among the average school director. The only counter measure to this is self-medication by the teacher in the form of tequila shots or similar substances.