Scientist Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two builders (Paddy and Shamus) are seated either side of table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a Guinness and sits on a stool at the bar.
So Paddy and Shamus start to speculate about the occupation of the suit...
Paddy: I reckon he's an accountant. Shamus: No bleedin way, he's a stockbroker. Paddy: He ain't no bleedin stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't be seen dead in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of Guinness gets the better of Paddy and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several Guinness get the better of the Paddy...
Paddy: Scuse me sir... no offence meant, but me and me mate Shamus were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession! Paddy: Oh! What's dat den? Suit: I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home? Paddy: Er .. mmm... well yeah, I do as it more...

There was a scientist who was studying frogs.

The scientist told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped, and he jumped 4 feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 4 feet jumps 4 feet.

The scientist then cut of one leg. He told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped. He jumped 3 feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 3 feet jumps 3 feet.

The scientist then cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped. He jumped 2 feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 2 feet jumps 2 feet.

The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump, so the frog jumped. He jumped 1 foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with 1 foot jumps 1 foot.

The scientist cut off the last leg. He told the frog jump, Jump, JUMP!

But the frog did not move. So the scientist wrote in his notebook: a frog with no legs goes deaf.

Scientist have released what they believe is the chronological order in which the virus spread.This little piggy went to market,This little piggy stayed at home,This little piggy had roast beef,This little piggy had none.And this little piggy went... "Wee wee wee" all the way home

There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.

The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam`s rib.

This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.

The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"

A scientist had been keeping a secret for over two decades -- he had sucessfully cloned a human being. He kept meticulous records, raising the clone-child in his laboratory until it was an adult. Then he made his plans to unveil his creation at a meeting of top scientists, held in the luxurious facilities of a high-rise hotel. When the time for his presentation came, the scientist stepped to the podium. He presented his data -- his pictures, his charts, his graphs -- to an amazed audience. But suddenly, instead of waiting for his cue to come forward, the clone stood up where he'd been sitting, and started shouting at the scientists assembled there. This clone was an imaginative clone. He used language that would make a sailor blush, accusing his creator and all of his colleagues of the most amazing feats of perversion and vice. Trying to regain control, the scientist ushered the clone out of the room and up to the roof of the hotel, where he hoped the clone's shouts would go unheard. more...

There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around
late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.
The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve
from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the
oldest profession in the world.
The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God
created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best
civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the
oldest profession.
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded,
"Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"

Did you hear about the mad scientist who invented a gas that could burn through anything?
No, what about him?
Now he's trying to invent something to hold it in!