Scottish Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run.... Run!" The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
These two Scottish characters are chatting. One of them then pulls out an expensive looking pocket watch from his pocket to check the time. "Thats a fine watch you got there!" says the other. "Yeah it is, isnt it? I got it from my grandfather," says the guy with the watch. "Really?" "Yeah, he sold it to me on his death bed."
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician (it is said) were holidaying in Scotland. Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a field.
"How interesting," observed the astronomer, "all scottish sheep are black!"
To which the physicist responded, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!"
The mathematician gazed heavenward in supplication, and then intoned, "In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."
there was a english man irish man scots & man they all went to a
magic slide the english man goes down the slide and wishes for a pot of gold and lands in a pot of gold the scottish went down the slide and wishes for a pot of silver and lands in a pot of silver the irish man goes down the slide and gose weeeeeeeee and lands in a buckit of wee !!!
by louis nicholson
A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn`t have to run, he`s got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"