Scottish Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do you get if you cross a Scottish legend and a bad egg?
The Loch Ness Pongster!
Two robbers broke onto a lodging house in Glasgow. They were discovered and a tremendous fight broke out. Bleeding and covered in bruises they finally managed to escape through a window. Well, we didn`t do too badly said one, `we came out with twenty pounds.` `Thats true,` said the other, `but we went in with sixty pounds.`
A Scotsman went on a week`s holiday to England. He took a clean shirt and a five pound note with him. When he arrived home he hadn`t changed either of them.
There was a scotish man, a english man and a irish man, one day at work they were having there lunch the scottish man had pickle sandwichs and said if i get the same sandwich tomorrow he'd kill himself and the english man got ham sandwich and said he'd kill himself if he had ham sandwich tomorrow and and the irish man got cheese sandwich and said the same as the scottish and english man.
the next day they all the same sandwich so they kill thereself at the funeral the scottish mans wife said only if he told me he didnt like pickle, the english mans wife said only if he told me he didnt like hamand the irish man wife said he made his own sandwichs
What do you call 2 scotsmen hanging from a washing line? A pair of tights.
What`s the difference between a Scotsman and a canoe? A canoe sometimes tips.
There was a scottish man who lived next to an englishman in Scottland.The scottsman owns chicken that lays an egg every morning that the scottsman eats for breakfeast. One day the chicken laid an egg in the englishmans backyard.After seeing this the scottsman goes nextdoor and asks the englishman for the egg. The englishman tells him "No it was laid on my property so the egg is mine." After arguing for a while the scottsman says "It is tradition to settle these matters by kicking eachother right between the legs and whoever gets up first wins!" The englishman agrees.SO the scottsman goes first and finds his biggest, heaviest, and sturdiest boots he owns, and kicks the englishman where it hurts. The englishman falls to ground and after about a minute afterwards he gets back up and says "O its my turn."then the scottish man says "No thats ok you can keep the egg,"