Scratch Jokes / Recent Jokes
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy? "You scratch my beak and Ill scratch yours! "
A guy was having trouble with his cat.
his cat would always scratch the sofa but never the scratching post.
one day the guy got an idea.so he bought a new couch and replaced the scratching post with the old couch hoping this would solve his problem.
But his cat just began scratching the new sofa.
Then another idea hit him.So he got some clay and got to work.
scratching post-$57
New sofa-$299
clay-$9
understanding your cat likes to scratch your face more than he likes to scratch the couch-priceless
1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:
THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves.
True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.
2. How And When to Get Your Human's more...
A friend and I were golfing one day when at the 18th hole this guy comes out of nowhere and asks if he could join us.
I tell him, "Well, we're just about done but if you want to join us tomorrow you can. We start at 8 o'clock."
He said, "Great! I'll be here at 8 o'clock, maybe 8:35..."
So next day he shows up at 8 o'clock and plays scratch golf; he was good. We were going to play again the next day and we invited him to join us.
He said, "Great! I'll be here at 8 o'clock, maybe 8:35..."
So the next day he shows up at 8 o'clock, plays with his opposite hand, and shoots under par!
I'm a bit amazed with this guy so I ask him, "You're a pretty good golfer, beating us with scratch golf and then showing-off by playing just as good with your opposite hand. Just what is you secret?"
He said, "Well...when I wake up in the morning and my wife is lying on her left side, I play left-handed.
Or when I wake up in the more...
How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the, "How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at thebottom of the pool!
How do you drown a blonde??
You put a scratch n sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool!!
Want two know how to kill a blonde. Tell her to go to the bottom of the pool and tell her to scratch and sniff the sticker.