Screw Jokes / Recent Jokes
Confucius Says: It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
It is the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Carrie.
He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, Carries father answers and invites him in.
'Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' her dad said.
'That's cool', says Bobby.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Carrie's father responds' why don't you two go somewhere and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.'
Bobby, is not quite sure he heard correctly, so he asks Carries dad to repeat what was just said.
'Yeah', her dad says,' Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'
Well, this certainly made Bobby's emotions light up. Now he's REALLY looking forward to the evening.
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces more...
to: ALL staff
from: Office of Superintendant
re: "Teacher In Service Training" schedule (TITS)
In accordance with recent changes in the State Education Law, our district is now required to supply bigger and better TITS for each employee.
We are therefore, pleased to announce the implementation of the Special High Intensity Training program (SHIT). It is our intention to give each member of the staff as much SHIT as possible. Advancement, salary increases and job changes will be dependent on the amount of SHIT you have taken.
Employees who feel they have taken as much SHIT as they can may apply to the School Council for Review of Educational Welfare (SCREW).
All employees are expected to be SCREW'd at least annually.
If you have taken SHIT and have been SCREW'd within the past academic year, you will be eligible to receive a Self Help Award for Teachers (SHAFT). Any employee who has been given the SHAFT will not be expected to take as much SHIT the more...
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.
"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up."
"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear."
"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.
"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made."
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she more...
How many Irish people dose it take to screw a light bulb?
One, they will screw anything!