Screw Jokes / Recent Jokes

Story goes that one of the Clancy Brothers of folk music fame was walking through Chicago when he comes across an Irish bar. He poked his head in and, seeing a large crowd yells, "Screw the Irish!"

All heads turned, and you could have heard a pin drop. He looks at the crowd and says, "I'm Irish, I'm just looking!"

Q: How many Clinton administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two--one to screw the bulb into the water faucet while the other tells us that everything possible is being done to help the situation.

This couple were going on there first date.The guy had gone to pick his date up for dancing her father goes."
You two going dancing"
The boy replyed yes and her dad says"
She loves to screw she'd screw all night if she could"
.A few hours later she comes and yells at her dad"
Daddy!!! It's called the twist.

Q: How many Serbs does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two-one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.

How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

Q - What should you do when you see ex-husband rolling
around in pain on the ground?
A - Shoot him again.Q - Why do little boys whine?
A - They're practicing to be men.Q - How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A -Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.Q - What do you call a handcuffed man?
A - Trustworthy.Q - What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A - You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.Q - What's the best way to kill a man?
A - Put a six-pack and a naked woman in front of him and ask him to choose just one.Q - What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A - They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch.

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.
"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have
to come back in six months for a follow-up."
"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I
don't want to have to come back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new
procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime
you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which
pulls the skin up, and they disappear."
"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that."
Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.
"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.
"Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever
made."
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.
"Just look at these more...