Screw Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Mike Dukakis) In Massachusetts, my enlightened government has made it unnecessary for people to screw in their own light bulbs, as we have put thousands of former welfare recipients to work for the Dept. of Light Bulb Installation. These employees will come to your home or business and install any incandescent bulb, on only a few months notice.
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here! A: Two, one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in.
New Rules
New Rules
Dear Employee:
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority more...
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Richard Gephart) It doesn't matter whether the bulb is changed or not; it only matters that the new bulb was made in the US of A. Taiwan and South Korea have put up massive barriers to importing US light bulbs; we'll see how they like it when their bulbs cost $10,000 to screw in here.
Dinosaur #1: “How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? ” Dinosaur #2: “What is an economist? ” Dinosaur #1: “A flunkie mathematician who tries to predict the population of kangaroos in Australia. But that’s not important and don’t ask what a Kangaroo is. ” Dinosaur #2: “I don’t know, how many? ” Dinosaur #1: “10 economists and one grad student. One economist to make a model, one to run the regression, one to test the hypothesis, one to interpret the results, one to conclude how to screw it on, one grad student to screw it on, and five economists trying to fight off the dinosaurs trying to eat them.
Q: How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A1: One - she holds the lightbulb in the socket, stands still and lets the world revolve around her.
A2: 1,000 - One to do it and 999 to say "*I* could have done it *better*..."
A3: Two - One to do it, and one to push the ladder out from under her.
A4: Three. One to do it, her understudy, and one to say she could have done it better.
Pagan Lightbulb Jokes (Okay, this is REALLY vague, but I'm sure some people are going to love it...)
*How many lesbian feminist Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!
*How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
(any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...
*How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.
*How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?
You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.
*How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?
Not sure.....we'll call Z. Bhudapest and get back to you!
*How many Dianic women does it take to change a lightbulb?
That's W-I-M-M-I-N, more...