Secretary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr.Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, I'm a little cold, could I borrow your blanket? The man says how would you like to be Mrs. Johnson for awhile? The secretary jumps at the chance and begins to get out of bed. Then he replies, good, then you can get your own damn blanket.

The manager hired a new secretary. she was young, sweet, and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open." He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee.
Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention." The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!"

The story begins in a Colombo suburb........ the mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son has not shown the slightest indication of getting married.
So one day she called her son to her house.
The son came home from work, grudgingly. Upon arriving, he found that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose as his future bride.
The first one was a well-endowed telephonist-cum-receptionist. He
immediately commented that:
"Aiyoo amma, they always say.... PLEASE HOLD ON, HOLD ON........"
The second nominee was a leggy secretary. This was rejected also. Reason being: - "Aiyoo... amma, secretary are always fond of saying " PLEASE SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN...."
By this time, the mother is nearing frustration. She called a sweet but plain-looking teacher. The son suddenly agreed!! The mother was surprised and asked, "Why this one? The previous two were a lot more better more...

Boss asks secretary "Do you know what the difference is between a Caesar Salad and a blowjob?"
"No", says the secretary.
"Great, Let's do lunch." the boss says.

A man called the church office one day and said, "Can I please speak to the head hog at the trough?"The secretary, highly offended, said, "If you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as' Pastor' or' Brother,'but you may certainly NOT refer to him as the' head hog atthe trough!'"The man said, "Well, I was planning on giving $10,000 to your church's building fund, but...""Hold on," the secretary quickly replied, "the big fat pig just walked in."

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. When he was ready to leave, he told her that he did not have any cash with him but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling it "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he decided that the whole event was not worth the price he agreed to pay, so he had his secretary send a note with a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:

1. it had never been occupied.

2. that there was plenty of heat.

3. that it was small.

Last night I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl more...

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just
taken to work. The little girl asks, "Why do you call your
secretary a doll?"
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains,
"Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She
types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer
system and is very efficient."
"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she
closes her eyes when you lay her down."