Secretary Jokes / Recent Jokes

A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a
password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary
to setup the password for him.
The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting
to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said,
"Penis."
Blushed, the secretary inputted the password Penis, and re-typed
it again. Then she hit enter.
The whole office heard the secretary bursting out of laughters
as a reaction from the computer's screen:
"Password rejected. Reason: Too short"

While the secretary was sitting in Mr. Greene's office taking dictation she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the office she told him, "Mr. Greene, your barracks door is open."
Not understanding her remark he looked down some time later and noticed that his fly was unzipped. He decided to have some fun and called her back into his office. "Tell me Miss Carter, when you saw my barracks door open, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?" he asked.
Miss Carter replied, "No sir. What I did see was a tiny diabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

Kofi Annan (shown at left with U.N. peacekeeping force) gave his last official speech before stepping down as Secretary General.

In commenting on his tenure Annan stated the five principles he considers essential: collective responsibility, global solidarity, rule of law, mutual accountability and substantial under the table payments to close friends and relatives.

The outgoing Secretary General said he looks forward to spending time with his family and plans to continue to be ineffectual and irrelevant.

A businessman and his secretary were overcome by passion, and the executive convinced her to retire to his house for what is popularly termed a "nooner."
"Don't worry," he purred. "My wife is out of town on a business trip, and won't bother us."
The pair were necking in the businessman's bedroom, when the secretary gasped, "We got to stop now! I'm not using any birth control!"
"No problem," he replied. "I know where my wife keeps her diaphragm."
He immediately began rooting around in the bathroom. After a half-hour, he returned to the bedroom in a fury. "That witch!" he exclaimed. "She took it with her! I always knew that she didn't trust me."

Male secretary: "Feel free to use my dictaphone." New blonde employee: "No thanks, I'll just use my finger like everyone else."

A married man and his secretary are having an affair.

They decide to leave the office early and go to the secretary`s appartment for an afternoon of. ......, whatever its called.

They fall asleep and don`t wake up till 8 PM later that night.

They quickly get dressed and the man asks the secretary to take his shoes and go and rub them in the grass.

The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway.

The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.

The wife`s very upset and asks, "Where the hell have you been?"

The husband replies, "I was taught in school that truth is very painful, but it sets you free, so I will not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair, we left work early today, went to her appartment, made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep. That`s why I`m late!!"

The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, more...

Bachelor's Diet

MONDAY:

BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth

LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.

AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox

DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.

TUESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw

LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.

DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.

WEDNESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El more...