Secretary Jokes / Recent Jokes

The job security quiz will help judge how long you`ll end up at your current job and what will become of you.

The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you...
A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
B. Inform him that you`re planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
C. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you`ve finished the level.

There`s a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?
A. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who`s been working with you.
B. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.
C. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, more...

At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for mayor, "Your former secretary said publicly that you have a small penis... Would you please comment on this?"
"The truth really is," replied the politician, "That she has a big mouth."

The lonely and homely secretary is walking home from work one day when she spots a strange looking bottle by the side of the road. She picks it up and dusts it off, releasing a genie.
"I grant you one wish for releasing me!" Booms the genie.
The girl thinks about it and says, "I haven't had sex in two years. When I get home, I'd like to see my cat turned into a handsome, hunky man dedicated to me."
"So shall it be," says the genie, and with a flash of light he disappears.
So the secretary hurries home and finds a tall, handsome stud there. He rips off her clothes and carries her into the bedroom, laying her on the bed. He kisses her and rubs her neck until she's ready to explode.
"Take me NOW!" she gasps.
"I would, but you had me neutered last month."

A lawyer opened his own office right after successfully passing the bar exam. Sitting idly at his desk, his secretary announced that a Mr. Baker was there to see him. He told his secretary to show him right in.

Thinking that it was a new client he wanted to make a good impression. As Mr. Baker was entering his office, the lawyer picked up the phone and yelled into it…"Absolutely not! You tell them I will not settle this case for less than five hundred thousand dollars. Don't bother me again until that amount has been agreed to!"

Slamming the phone down, he greeted Mr. Baker saying, "How do you do Mr. Baker. What can I do to help you?"

Mr. Baker replied, "Hi, I'm from the phone company. I'm here to connect your phone."

“George is so forgetful,” the sales manager complained to his secretary. “It's a wonder he can sell and I'm not sure he'll even remember to come back.”Just then the door flew open, and in bounced George. “You'll never guess what
happened!” he shouted. “While I was at lunch, I met Old Man Brown, who hasn't
bought anything from us for five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this
half-million dollar order!”“See,” sighed the sales manager to his secretary. “I told you he'd forget the
sandwiches.”

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?" "Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."

An office manager hires a new secretary. Her first day she's called into the office to take some dictation. While she's taking dictation, she notices the guy's fly is open. Not wanting to embarass her boss she says nothing until she's leaving.
At the door, she turns and says "By the way sir, your barracks door is open." He looks at her funny but she's already walked out.
A while later he happens to glance down and notice his fly is open. He decides to have a little fun with her on her first day so he calls her back into the office.
"By the way Ms. Jones, when you saw my barracks door open, did you also happen to see a soldier standing at attention?"
She replied "Why no sir! But I did see a disabled vet sitting on two old duffle bags!