Secretary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, "I can`t take this, I`m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!" The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. "What happened?" asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, "They were twins and mine died!"

Bill Clinton calls his secretary in to his office and says, "Would you like to see my clock?" His secretary looks confused and says,
"What?"
"C'mon," says Bill, "it's a yes or no question."
Okay?" says the secretary. Bill then yanks his pants down, exposing his knob.
"That isn't a clock," says his secretary,"it's a cock."
To which Bill replies, "Put a face and two hands on it and it's a clock."

Boss To His Secretary: “I Thought That You Wanted Yesterday Afternoon Off Because You Had To See Your Dentist? ”
Secretary: “That’s Right, Sir”
Boss: “So How Come I Saw You Coming Out Of The Movie Theatre With A Young Man? ”
Secretary: “That Was My Dentist”

A middle management executive has to take on some sport, by his doctor's orders, so he decides to play tennis.

After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing.

"It's going fine", the manager says. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says,' To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!'"

"Really? What happens then?" the secretary asks.

"Then my body says,' Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

The following is a verbatim quote of the opening paragraphs of a
(serious) article on the effect that Salman Rushdie's book "The
Satanic Verses" is having on Britain's Muslim community. The article
is by Jack O'Sullivan, and appeared in The Independent, a UK "quality"
national newspaper, on 5 Jan 1990.
A joke going around Bradford concerns two Muslims chatting in a halal
shop. The first says he has decided to take the Government's advice to
integrate and be like the British. "Oh yes," replies his friend. "And
how will you do that?"
"I'm going to take my secretary to Paris for a dirty weekend," the
first man says.
"But you don't have a secretary," the friend points out.
"That doesn't matter," says the first. "I'll take my wife and say
she's my secretary."

Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,"I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered andshaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a bigkiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went in to breakfast, andthere sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. SoI got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well, she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and theywill sing' Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me." There I sat, enjoyingmy coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen, yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going tomiss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smileand a more...