Selling Jokes / Recent Jokes
REDMOND, WA--In what CEO Bill Gates called'an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors,' the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.
With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs--unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.
'Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975,' Gates told reporters.' For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek compensation for the use of our numerals.'
A number more...
A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.
Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.
The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"
Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.
"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"
"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said more...
An older retired N.Y. jewish merchant goes to the Doctor. He complains he's tired and sluggish. The Doctor suggests he goes down to Florida for some relaxation.
The man takes the advice. After a few days he is bored and goes to the hotel lobby to pass some time. A woman sits next to him and says, "pst, hey you buying?" He says, "you selling?" She winks and they go back to his room for a little "tryst".
A few days later he returns to N.Y. and now feels even more sluggish and tired. He goes back to the doctor for another checkup and the Doctor informs him he had contracted a form of sypholis. He needs rest and suggests he return to Florida.
He went back and rested up. One night he went back to the lobby and there was that woman again. She sits next to him and again he hears "pst.. you buying?" & he responds "Vhat you selling now cancer?"
An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day. Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed. Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on him that he more...
Taiwan may soon just be raising dogs to be pets and not as the main ingredients for stews and stir-fries. In a preliminary vote, Taiwan's legislature has passed a bill that bans people from selling or eating dog meat. The legislation is expected to be formally passed next month, officials said. "Westerners treat dogs as their best friends or family members and we should no longer tolerate such savage practices," said Cheng Tao-lung, who works for a lawmaker who supported the bill. Under the proposed law, those selling or eating dog meat will be fined 10, 000 Taiwan dollars (210). Food stalls serving dog meat were once easy to find around Taiwan. Many Taiwanese believe the meat is nutritious and strengthens the body against the winter cold. In recent years, a growing number of Taiwanese have stopped eating dogs and most of the dog meat restaurants are in rural areas.
An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).
After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day.
Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed.
Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night.
And thus it dawns more...