Senate Jokes / Recent Jokes

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!" All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

Eugene d'Albert (noted German composer) was married six times. At an evening reception which he attended with his fifth wife shortly after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely, "Congratulations, Herr d'Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so charming a wife." During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second helping, he asked politely, "May I have some breast?" "Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat." Churchill apologized profusely. The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from her guest of honor. The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if you would pin this on your white meat." Sentenced to two years hard labor (for Sodomy), Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed in driving rain waiting for transport to prison. "If this is the way more...

One day a little boy went up to his dad and asked him what polotics were. He replied "
lets just say that I am the president, your mom is the congress, the maid is the senate, and your little brother is the future. Put them all together and that's politics."
The little boy still didn't understand, but he went to bed anyway.
That night he found that his little brother crapped in his diaper, so he went to get his parents. When he went into the room, he found that his dad was not there. He went to the couch and saw his dad screwing the maid. The next day, the little boy said to his dad that he understood politics;"
While the President is screwing the Senate, the Congress is unaware and the future is full of shit."
"
Very good,"
replied his father.

We now live in a country where we have no President but we do have...
a dead Senator from Missouri going to Congress.
a fake President played on TV by Martin Sheen.
a new Senator from New York who used to be the wife of the boss of the man who may be President.
a Governor from Florida who is the brother of the man who may be President and son of a man who was.
a sitting President whose wife now will be hanging around the same men who voted to remove him from office.
a senior Senator from South Carolina who, under our current Constitution rules, could be appointed to be President in this standoff despite the fact that he is 98.
a potential Vice President who, because he did not take his name off the Connecticut Senate race, could end up being the deciding factor in how the Senate is composed.
And finally...
A state where a Republican Secretary of State and a Democratic Attorney General try to determine the outcome of 25 electoral votes without more...

Flash - New Weapon in America's Arsenal - Dubbed 'The Chicken Gun'Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force "chicken gun."It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour... The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds."My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness," Baker told colleagues."I wonder why a 'special classified briefing' had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one."Baker also wondered aloud "how far along the Soviet Union is with the deployment of their 'chicken gun', and how will our Minuteman, Midgetman and Sparrow missles get along with this new weapon..."Baker went on to wonder if the Navy might be working on it's own version more...