Senate Jokes / Recent Jokes
Flash - New Weapon in America's Arsenal - Dubbed' The Chicken Gun'
Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force "chicken gun."
It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour. .. The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds.
"My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness," Baker told colleagues.
"I wonder why a' special classified briefing' had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one."
Baker also wondered aloud "how far along the Soviet Union is with the deployment of their' chicken gun', and how will our Minuteman, Midgetman and Sparrow missles get along with this new weapon..."
Baker went on to wonder if the Navy more...
THE US Senate has overwhelmingly approved Washington's nuclear deal with New Delhi, in which India recieves access to civilian nuclear technology and in return, America gets its tech support departments back.
Failed in business......................... 1831
Lost election for legislature.............. 1832
Failed again in business................... 1834
Sweetheard died............................ 1835
Nervous breakdown.......................... 1836
Lost second political race................. 1838
Defeated for Congress...................... 1843
Defeated for Congress...................... 1846
Defeated for Congress...................... 1848
Defeated for US Senate..................... 1855
Defeated for Vice President................ 1856
Defeated for US Senate..................... 1858
Elected President.......................... 1860
Abraham Lincoln
WASHINGTON D.C. - Following an emergency meeting Wednesday morning, Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America.
The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state's voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election.
"This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First Elian Gonzales, now this."
Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming.
"We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative Barney Frank. "They've been a constant embarrassment for too long now." Added Frank, "They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh that's right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot."
In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly population will free up billions of dollars in social security funds. more...
Flash - New Weapon in America's Arsenal - Dubbed' The Chicken Gun'Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force "chicken gun."It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour. .. The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds."My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness," Baker told colleagues."I wonder why a' special classified briefing' had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one."Baker also wondered aloud "how far along the Soviet Union is with the deployment of their' chicken gun', and how will our Minuteman, Midgetman and Sparrow missles get along with this new weapon..."Baker went on to wonder if the Navy might be working on it's own version more...
WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP, Sept. 2, 2002) - Senate Majority Leader Ray
Noorda (P-Utah) today demanded that the Department of Justice order
Microsoft and Netscape to cease development of new Internet browsers,
saying the ever-escalating battle for Internet dominance had sapped the
American economy of its vitality.
In an impassioned speech before the Perotista-controlled Senate, Noorda -
once a key figure in the information technology industry - claimed
American workers and shoppers are so consumed with downloading new
browser versions, Netscape plug-ins and Microsoft ActiveX Controls that they no
longer have time to produce anything of value or to consume products. "We
have been transformed from a nation of thinkers and doers to a nation of
downloaders worried about whether we are keeping up with the
technological Jones'es," Noorda said.
Noorda's comments came only a day after Netscape released Version 407 of
its Navigator more...
Senator John Kerry announced today that he will not attempt a campaign for president in 2008. The Massachusetts senator made a public statement that he felt his time would be better spent in the senate, working towards a resolution to the Iraq problem, and heading the new senate committee on his own impending irrelevance.