Senate Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young man was running for the Senate in New York State. His political advisor heard some news that really upset him.
"Look," he said, "You've got to go to Albany right away or you'll lose a lot of votes. They're telling lies about you there."
"I've got to go to Buffalo first or I'll lose more votes," the candidate replied.
"What's going on in Buffalo?" the advisor asked.
"They're telling the truth about me there," the candidate replied.
Curt Schilling announced he will not run for Senate. But just in case, Roger Clemens still plans on lying to him.
Flash - New Weapon in America’s Arsenal - Dubbed ‘The Chicken Gun’
Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force “chicken gun. ”
It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour … The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds.
“My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness, ” Baker told colleagues.
“I wonder why a ’special classified briefing’ had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one. ”
Baker also wondered aloud “how far along the Soviet Union is with the deployment of their ‘chicken gun’, and how will our Minuteman, Midgetman and Sparrow missles get along with this new weapon…”
Baker went on to wonder if the Navy might be more...
Eugene d'Albert (noted German composer) was married six times. At an evening reception which he attended with his fifth wife shortly after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely, "Congratulations, Herr d'Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so charming a wife." During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second helping, he asked politely, "May I have some breast?" "Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat." Churchill apologized profusely. The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from her guest of honor. The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if you would pin this on your white meat." Sentenced to two years hard labor (for Sodomy), Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed in driving rain waiting for transport to prison. "If this is the way more...
Man: "Woman, your place is in the house"
Woman: "I'm more of a Senate kinda gal"
Sen. Sam Brownback, who wants to champion social conservatives in the presidential race, said Tuesday he wants a Senate panel to re-question a judicial nominee who attended a same-sex union ceremony.
Brownback, a Kansas Republican, said he wants Michigan state judge Janet Neff to testify about her role in the 2002 Massachusetts ceremony, her legal views on same-sex unions and her ability to be impartial if called upon to rule on such cases.
Neff's nomination to a federal district court is among a dozen or so now stalled in the Senate, a logjam in part due to Brownback's questions about Neff's attendance at a lesbian commitment ceremony. The Senate Judiciary Committee has already approved her nomination.
"I don't want to come across as an intolerant, reactionary douchebag with the mental capacity of an amoeba, " Brownback said before a lunch with potential donors and supporters in Davenport, adding, "oops, sorry, what I meant to say was I DO want to come more...