Sermon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
The' Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa." 

The sermon had been going on endlessly. Finally the minister's voice cracked and said, "What more can I say?"
One parishioner yelled, "How about 'Amen'???"

A man finally goes with his wife to church. The man was so impressedwith the preacher's sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand."Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a DAMNED fine sermon." The preachersays "Why thank you sir, but we don't used profanity in the house of the Lord".The man says, "But preacher, that was the best DAMNED sermon I ever heard." The preacher says again, "sir I must be blunt, DO NOT use curse words in the Lords house again". The man says "Well I was so impressed with your sermon that Iplaced $1000 dollars in the collection plate". The preacher says "NO SHIT"?

One Sunday morning, Reverend Johnson said to his young son Billy, "Now, I want you to take the cow over to John's house, John will know what to do. Then come on along to church."
When Billy arrived in church, Reverend Johnson was in the middle of his sermon. The text of the sermon was about the life of John the Baptist, and the Reverend was on a roll. Every now and then he would ask the rhetorical question, "and what did John say?"
After hearing the same question quite a few times, but having missed the beginning of the sermon, Billy could take it no longer and stood up and said, "John said that if you want that cow fucked, to fuck her yourself, because you didn't pay him last time."

PREACHERS should learn that for a sermon to be immortal, it need not be eternal.

THE recently appointed bishop to the court of Queen Victoria was very keen to make a grand impression with his first sermon, and asked Benjamin Disraeli for his advice.' How long, Mr Prime Minister, do you think my sermon should last?' he inquired.

'A most perplexing question to answer,' replied Disraeli.

'Generally, I should say that if you preach for forty minutes, Her Majesty will be satisfied; for thirty minutes, she will be delighted; if you preach for only fifteen minutes, Her Majesty will be enthusiastic'

A man finally goes with his wife to church, after promising her for weeks that he'd go. Surprisingly, the man was so impressed with the preacher's sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand.
"Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a DAMN fine sermon."
The preacher says, "Why thank you sir, but we don't used profanity in the house of the Lord."
The man says, "But preacher, seriously, I'm not a religious man, but that was the best DAMNED sermon I ever heard."
The preacher says again, "Sir, while I appreciate what you're trying to say, I must be blunt: DO NOT use curse words in the Lord's house again."
The man says, "Well, anyway, I was so impressed with your sermon that I placed $5000 dollars in the collection plate".
"No Shit?" says the Preacher.