Sermon Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.

The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."

So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.

The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

The Baptist preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church.

"Good morning, Jonathan," the preacher said as he reached out to shake Joanthan's hand.

As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand. "What's this?" the preacher asked.

"Money," said Jonathan with a big smile on his face, "It's for you!"

"I don't want to take your money, Jonathan," the preacher answered.

"I want you to have it," said Jonathan. After a short pause Jonathan continued, "My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you."

A minister was sitting reading the newspaper, and listening to the ball game on the television when his beautiful nine year old daughter ran into the room, jumped onto his lap and asked:
"Daddy? Who is God?"
"Sweetheart, that will be the subject of tonights sermon, can you wait' till church tonight, listen to what I have to say and then make your own decisions, or would you really like to discuss it now?"
"Yeah--I can wait daddy thanks" and off she ran to play with the dog.
Later at church, all is quite and the minister starts his sermon. Throwing his right arm in the air and shouts: "GOD" and then a little softer voice, and lowering his arm "is neither man---- nor woman" and looks around at the congregation.

All is quite with the exception of a few "Praise the lords" & "Amen brothers." After a slight pause the preacher again throws his right arm in the air and again shouts: more...

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.

A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind. The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure".

The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with,. . . . . "Tuti Homeni, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."

The sermon
The new Rabbi was in the middle of a sermon when he suddenly beckoned to the shames to come over.
The Rabbi said to him, "That man in the third row is asleep. Wake him up."
The shames replied, "You put him to sleep. You wake him up.”

A man who went to Church with his wife fell was always falling asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out "... and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th.." She poked her husband who then came flying out of the pew and screamed "Good God all mighty". The minister said "That's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath and later began to doze off again when the minister got to "... and who died on the cross to save us from our sins..." the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted "Jesus Christ". The Minister said "that's right, That's Right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to "... and what did more...

One Sunday morning, a man attended the service at the local church. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that he stopped to shake his hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I have ever heard," the man said.
"Thank you, sir," the Reverend replied, "but I must ask that you not use profanity in the Lord's house."
"Sorry, Reverend, I just can't help myself," said the man, "that was just such a damn good sermon."
"Sir, please," replied the Reverend. "Again I you not to use profanity in church."
"Okay, Reverend," the man said. "I just want you to know that I thought it was so damn good that I put $5000 in the collection plate."
"No shit!" exclaimed the Reverend.