Settle Jokes

When a farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from a field through which a railroad passed, he filed suit against the railroad company. A big-city lawyer was called in by the company and immediately tried to get the farmer to settle out of court. The farmer finally agreed to take half of what he was claiming to settle the case. After the farmer signed the release and took the check, the lawyer couldn't help but gloat a little over his success.

He said to the farmer, "I hate to tell you this, but I couldn't have won the case. I didn't have one witness."

The old farmer replied, "Well, I'll tell you, I was a little worried myself. That darn cow came home this morning!"

An couple decided to stay at a very exclusive, WASP only
hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for
what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided
to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill
and were surprised to find they owe $3000.
"How's this? We've only been here one night!" the man was annoyed.
"So?" said the manager, "This is a very expensive hotel. We have
golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars
and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."
"But we didn't use any of these!" explained the couple.
"If you didn't use-that's your problem," came the reply.
"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl
who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the
man.
"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't
sleep more...

Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!

I'd graduated from college and moved back home. I spent my days sleeping and my nights were all spent with my buddies out chasing girls and partying. In short, I was just taking it easy and didn't have any specific goals in mind.

My grandfather stopped by and asked what my plans were.

"Well, Grandpa, I thought I'd just take it easy for awhile."

"Son, I think it's time for you to settle down and start looking for a job. Before you know it, you're going to be 30."

"But, Grandpa, I'm closer to 20 than 30. I've still got eight years before I'm 30!"

"Yes, but when are you going to be 20 again?"

A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000."Hows this? Weve only been here one night!" the man was annoyed."So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up.""But we didnt use any of these!" explained the couple."If you didnt use - thats your problem," came the reply."In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the man."What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didnt sleep with your wife!""If yo u didnt use - thats your problem!"