Settle Jokes / Recent Jokes
A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000.
"How's this? We've only been here one night!" the man was annoyed.
"So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."
"But we didn't use any of these!" explained the couple.
"If you didn't use - that's your problem," came the reply.
"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the man.
"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't more...
When a farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from a field through which a railroad passed, he filed suit against the railroad company. A big-city lawyer was called in by the company and immediately tried to get the farmer to settle out of court. The farmer finally agreed to take half of what he was claiming to settle the case. After the farmer signed the release and took the check, the lawyer couldn't help but gloat a little over his success.
He said to the farmer, "I hate to tell you this, but I couldn't have won the case. I didn't have one witness."
The old farmer replied, "Well, I'll tell you, I was a little worried myself. That darn cow came home this morning!"
Two men, fishing in stormy weather, suddenly found themselves in rough water, surrounded by ferocious sharks. As the sharks argued over which got the pick of the two, a lawyer shark swam over and offered some counsel.
"I'll help settle this matter," said the lawyer to the two fishermen. "But it's going to cost you an arm and a leg."
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, more...
A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000."Hows this? Weve only been here one night!" the man was annoyed."So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up.""But we didnt use any of these!" explained the couple."If you didnt use - thats your problem," came the reply."In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the man."What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didnt sleep with your wife!""If yo u didnt use - thats your problem!"
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dogfight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's more...